Oh my Mormon...

Several weeks ago the missionaries came to the door. Being from Utah and all, this was the first time missionaries had actually been to my door with an attempt to convert (it's just assumed everyone in Utah is already LDS, so there aren't many missionaries there).

I was having a stellar day that day, making my care package and baking, so I was thrilled that I had been targetted as a potential convert. It made me feel special to know that someone other than the kirby vacuum salespeople thought to knock on my door. And since I happened to be excrutiatingly lonely that day, I was all the more thrilled to have a few moments of a social life.

Plus, they seemed nice (well, being missionaries, I'm sure they actually were genuinely nice).

Long story short, I let them come back. I'm not sure WHY I let them come back, as I really have no intent to convert to Latter Day Saints (or at least not for the religion...maybe to see the temple..hmmm..I'm kidding, of course). The ironic thing is, my husband is already golden. He was baptized into the LDS church at the tender age of 8 and raised into their doctrine. Teenage angst caused him to lose his faith altogether and he became an atheist.

After I met him, I shed my presbyterian ways and joined him as a Secular Humanist, although to be entirely honest I am a far cry from being the staunch atheist that he is. He is perfectly content knowing there is no God and no heaven. I, on the other hand, am not. I cannot bring myself to fully believe, as the concept of dieties and religion seems completely nonsensical to me at this point, but I cannot bring myself to completely let go of my religious upbringing, reliance on prayer, or wish for an afterlife either. So the place I stand now is more as a "removed observer". I've decided to live my life as an open-minded skeptic, prefering to take the conservative route of withholding ALL believe until evidence is presented.

It just so happened that on the day the missionaries came to my door I had just finished having a good cry/panic attack over the idea of death and being completely and utterly alone. So I was particularly impressionable that day. So if I did (by some sheer stroke of missionary luck) end up baptized into the LDS church, my husband and I could technically be sealed for time and eternity in the San Diego temple...not that I think he would even agree to that. He was flabbergasted when his old ward erected a plaque in honor of his military service.

So they came back yesterday. They were very nice young men, and they brought along one of my neighbors who is a ward member (something about not being allowed to be alone with a "single" woman....?). I let them pray at the beginning and end of the visit, and told them with 100% honesty that I do not believe in God, and I have a hard time believing in God, let alone accepting anyone's holy book as being truth. That didn't seem to deter them, although they did somewhat express the idea that it must be "hard" to have no faith. I said it was only hard to be an atheist when other people made a big deal over it. The military has a tendency to make a big deal out of it, so for the sake of being an atheist milspouse or for my husband to be an atheist Marine, then yes I guess it would be hard.

The missionaries completely understand that, because as we all know, the LDS get a lot of crap from a lot of people. People think they are a cult. Having grown up around it all my life, with LDS family, I never was able to understand what was so wrong with the LDS church.They've always been nothing but generous and willing to help, and I don't find them to be any different than any other religion (with the exception of their second book).

Anyways, the point of this post...

The missionaries came and went. They gave me a Book of Mormon and told me to read it. Skeptical, I opened the pages. The way I see it, I can only emerge from this experience as a more intelligent person. I have nothing to lose. I do not fear upsetting any God or any religion, or committing blasphemy, but at the very least it would be nice to finally be able to put the entire belief system together. It will certainly help me identify with my LDS family, LDS friends, and even my husband's upbringing.

So a few minutes after they left, I opened the book and started reading the book of Nephi, sipping on some red wine.

And that's when it hit me...I'm drinking RED WINE with the BOOK OF MORMON! Sweet mother Mary, I would make a TERRIBLE mormon. Even if I did come to believe in God, there is NO WAY I will ever be able to give up caffeinated drinks or wine, and I know for a fact that my husband is obsessive about strong coffee and is a complete beer snob (he even has a home brewery).

They're coming back in an hour to read with me some more and I just finished another glass of red wine with lunch. Things are not looking so bright ;)