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TheRogueMilspouse

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I'm not a Military Wife Anymore

Now before you freak out, no I am not getting a divorce and this has nothing to do with my marriage whatsoever.

This actually has to do (somewhat) with my last post about being an unconventional military spouse. I have received a slew of emails from "wives" informing me that I don't have the right to call myself a "military wife". I am not a military wife because:

1) I don't respect Veterans
2) I don't support my husband
3) I'm not patriotic
4) I don't believe in God
5) I a socialist who voted for Obama (?)

I am, basically, a mockery of an American who doesn't understand the sacrifice my husband makes to this country and because of that I am not entitled to call myself a military wife.


Now, before I delve into any of that I'm just going to first take a big, huge, deep breath and tell those emailers to go fuck themselves. Ok, got that off my chest.

Now, how anyone managed to nit pick that out of my last post is beyond me. It seems to me that my previous concerns about not saying the pledge of allegiance at military functions has proven itself to be 100% accurate. I'm getting hate mail just by SUGGESTING it. So I'm going to just reiterate a few things here.

1) I don't know how anyone ever came to the conclusion that I hate Veterans. For starters, both my grandfathers are Veterans (Army and Navy). I have 4 cousins currently serving on Active Duty (Navy, Army, and Marines) and 1 in the Army National Guard. I have 2 uncles who both served in Vietnam. And don't even get me started on my husband's family....how both of his grandfathers served side-by-side in Korea (Air Force), and his family has had at least 1 male member in every conflict going back to the Revolutionary War.

What did I ever do or say to suggest that I hate Veterans?

2) Why would anyone accuse me of not supporting my husband? I am part of the reason that he is even IN the Marines right now. When I met him he was a High School drop out who didn't even know how to drive. I taught him how to drive (which, coming from a girl with 4 speeding tickets might be a bit unnerving, but whatever). Were it not for the combined support of myself and his Recruiter (Staff Sgt. Wheeler), he would not be where he is today.

It was very painful for him to have to go back to High School at the age of 20. It was painful because it made him feel stupid, and my husband is anything but stupid. He is an autodidactic, meaning he is almost exclusively self taught. He taught himself Portuegese. He taught himself Physics. He writes, he is a gifted artist, loves to play the violin and the guitar, and is so well-versed on the subject of Military History that he could give the History channel a run for their money. He is well read in Orwell, Voltaire, Marx, Darwin, Huxley, Einstein, Lewis Carrol...he is anything but dumb. For him to have to go back to High School, an institution that already failed him once, and be forced to complete 9th grade level courses, was basically an insult. He took it very personally. But you know, he had a very supporting wife who encouraged him to finish, who encouraged him to enlist, who wrote him letters every day throughout boot camp, who moved herself across the country to Missouri just to live near him during MOS school, and who moved herself back to the other side of the country again to live with him at his permanent station.

I mean just look at those care packages I make him. Are THOSE the care packages of an unsupportive bitch? No, they aren't.

3) My apprehension at saying the pledge of allegiance does NOT stem from disdain for the country, and anyone who read my full post would have realized that. It is, in fact, due to my own personal feelings about MYSELF not feeling comfortable enough to make an oath of allegiance to the country, and really has nothing to do with hatred or disdain or any of that.

There are a lot of people in this country who do not say the pledge of allegiance, for whatever reason. Some hate America. Some do not believe in God. Some are lawyers, and some are 10 year olds crusading for gay rights. This country was built upon the tenant of Free Speech, and that is something that I wholeheartedly believe in, with every fiber of my body. Pledging Allegiance is not a requirement to be a patriotic American, and in fact it ranks rather low on my list of patriotic things (protesting, voting, jury duty, being in the military..). A truly patriotic person will DEFEND the first ammendment rights of any person to say or refuse to say whatever they want. Free speech trumps flags any day, because free speech is almost single-handedly responsible for the founding of this nation.

In the email I received, I was told that "if I didn't want to appreciate this country, I could just leave." I was also told that "the next time I refuse to stand and pledge to the flag, I should have the decency to think of the veterans who can't stand because they died defending it." FIRST, of all, those veterans did not die to defend "the flag". They died to defend the COUNTRY, to protect and secure the RIGHTS of the people in this country. They died to defend the FREE SPEECH of citizens. One cannot be selective about which rights are protected and which are not, so for someone to sit there and draft me an email wherein they basically tell me that my free speech means nothing because they disagree with it, is not only insulting, but THAT is the true disservice to the country and to the Veterans.

4) I don't believe in God. So fucking what. How does that make me less of a military wife? My husband doesn't believe in God either. Does that mean the 9 months of training he went through to become a CBRN Marine, followed by the 12 month deployment are irrelevant because he doesn't believe in God and thus can't be in the military?

Do you want to know who else didn't believe in God? Pat Tillman. In fact, there are many atheist and agnostic servicemembers in this country who do not believe in God. To suggest that their personal beliefs somehow make them less justified in defending the country is completely ignorant.

5) I'm a socialist who voted for Obama? Hehe..actually I'm a Libertarian who voted for Ralph Nader, but whatever floats your boat. I personally don't understand how being accused of voting for Obama is supposed to be an insult, nor do I understand why being a so-called "socialist" is insulting either. Most people in this country have no working knowledge of what a socialist even is, enough to accuse someone of being one.

Anyways, those emails actually really freaked me out. I feel like I can now never be myself because someone else might come through and hate me for it. That isn't normally a concern of mine, but in this case it scared me. It scared me because I KNOW those emails were from other wives, and while I knew that there were people out there who don't agree with me, I never thought it would be strong enough to the point where I would be told to actually leave the country, or have my marriage and my husband attacked, or that I would be deliberately slandered.

I don't know if those wives are actually followers of my blog, but I suspect they aren't. Or if they are, I can only assume they stopped following me.

8 comments:

The Mrs. said...

Laura, this reall saddens me, I'm more of a "traditional" (but I MUST say NEW since my husband is only at BMT) mil-spouse. I am one to know that not everyone believes in the same views as me or has the same opinions at me I am no one to judge. I think you should still continue to be you, this is your blog, your space to write your opinions, express YOUR feelings and be YOU! Don't let other bloggers, other mil-spouses or anyone tell you differently. Be proud of who you are and what has taken you so long to be open about. IF others do not like what you have to write, then they also have the choice of not following. I wish you nothing but happiness!

Jessa (bipolararmywife) said...

That's horrible. Wow. I'm really, really sorry you went through all that. I don't know how being an atheist or feeling uncomfortable/unwilling to say a pledge that really is "lip service" for many, or even who you voted for. It's sad that people feel it's their right to condemn you when they are supposedly "good Christians". Just one of the reasons I find it hard to believe in God. Look at the people who are supposedly setting an example for him. Like another comment, don't let them stop you from being you.

Ashley M. said...

Fuck them. Wives like that are so stuck on their delusional high horse that they have nothing else better to do than to make other wives feel bad for beliefs that don't agree with their own (which are so ass backwards and ignorant in the first place). I bet I can take a gander as to whom one of the wives were. At least she tends to stick her nose in other's business and looks down and scolds others who think differently from herself but then hypocritically throws a fit whenever someone questions her own beliefs.

You're fucking awesome, and you don't live in a negative, hate filled world like those wives that sent you the angry emails. Fuck them, keep being awesome.

I Am a Marine's Girl said...

Can I just say that I love you for posting this? What you did for your husband, just wow. You are just fucking amazing. Screw them for ever saying that you're not. They don't matter at all. In the slightest. Seriously, you are just my hero right now. Don't listen to them keep being you, if they don't like it then they shouldn't read it.

Erika said...

I am a military wife who doesn't agree with everything you have to say. But know that the extremists are the ones sending the hate mail. There are extremes in all areas of life - and while those emails were disconcerting - they are not the thoughts/beliefs of everyone; so ignore them.

Justine said...

Ahh, screw 'em. I find it pretty crazy that some people feel like it's okay to go on the attack. Last I checked this was YOUR blog. Also, as a christian myself, I know that the last thing God wants us to do is to judge people (says so in the Bible!) and it seems like those 'christians' are pretty flippin' judgmental if you ask me. I'm telling God on them. Although it goes against a lot of what I've been taught, I am very much a supporter of DADT. I think people forget that your husband, my husband, and everyone else serving are fighting for our freedom to think and say what we want.

liberal army wife said...

As Ashley said - fuck 'em. I've had this as well, for many many many years. after a while, you get numb to them - or come and play with us.

LAW

AmandaCervantes said...

Oh my, I have missed so much! Fuck all those haters woman! You KNOW there are trolls on every site who have nothing better to do. And like Katt Williams says, if you got 5 haters, you need to find a way to get to 15 before the summer gets here =)

Love you biotch! Tell 'em all to suck it =P Because YOU (the real YOU) are freaking awesome!