An "Unconventional Military Spouse"

Keeping in step with my latest blog makeover, I decided to take this post to blog about my experience as an "Unconventional Military Spouse".

For many people viewing this blog over the past 9 months, I've come across as being pretty standard. I bitch about deployment, curse out Tricare, and re-tell stories of my husband. But I've been hiding a big, deep, dark secret for some time. There are some things about me that I personally have not felt comfortable airing out online, purely because I was scared of the backlash I might receive from the military blog community. But the time has come for me to put them out there.

So this is what makes me an Unconventional Military Spouse:


1. I am an atheist. Now, at first glance that seems like a "so what" moment, and for the most part it is. Unfortunately, that is something that does NOT appear to be shared by a lot of other people in this country.

A few weeks ago I had the "privledge" (can we get more air quotes up in this bitch, please?) of watching a brief segment on FOX News featuring a brief walk-through of my husband. The segment was an interview conducted by Geraldo Rivera of one specific USMC Chaplain in Afghanistan. The question that Rivera posed to the Chaplain was "Some people say there are no atheists in foxholes. Do you think that's true?" to which the Chaplain responded "yes, it is. [these Marines] are just thankful to be here, and they thank God..."

That kind of thinking is very common throughout the military. When my husband went to MEPS for the first time and swore into the USMC DEP program, he was handed a MARPAT-print bible. Before anything else, before signing the papers, before receiving a set of utilities, he was given a bible.

When my husband and I go to formal military functions, each function opens with a prayer. Failure to participate "normally" often results in dirty looks and snide remarks. One wife commented to me after one such prayer that my husband "didn't deserve the honor of serving, because he doesn't believe in GOD."

My husband was denied "atheist" on his original set of ID Tags. He was paraded with the rest of his unit to attend a "mandatory" military-sponsored MWR concert by a Christian Rock Band during SOI. The first month of his tour in Afghanistan was marked by one of his own unit Marines requesting a transfer out of their barracks rooms because he didn't feel "comfortable" rooming with an atheist. For many, the prospect of your religion becoming common knowledge at a military function barely registers, but for us, it could mean becoming outcasts.

2. I am a left-leaning Libertarian. I use the term "Libertarian" loosely, since I only really agree with bits and pieces of the Libertarian party's stances. I am in favor of drug and prostitution legalization. I am in favor of gay MARRIAGE and gay adoption. I am a proponent of the separation of church and state. I am pro-choice. I believe in complete and utter free speech. I believe that social welfare policies can be good for a society, as long as they are not abused, but I still believe that a free market is necessary. Oh...just wait and see what happens the second someone hears you say :"socialism" at a FRG function. You can silence an entire room full of gossipy ladies.

3.I do not Pledge Allegiance to the Flag. Now this one is where things tend to get really dirty. I, as of yet, have not actually had the "balls" to NOT pledge allegiance at a military function because I absolutely feel like I might be physically attacked. But the reality is, I do not believe in pledging allegiance. For starters, it is a flag. Regardless of what that flag represents, it is still ultimately a piece of cloth.

Secondly, I do not agree with the words "Under God" because I, and 12% of Americans, do not believe in a God. That phrase is an establishment of religion and is unconstitutional. I will NOT just "skip over it". I say we just restore the pledge of allegiance to it's ORIGINAL wording. "Under God" was added in the 1950's.

Thirdly, I think the pledge of allegiance is so over-used that for a lot of American it has been reduced to nothing but rote recitation. Allegiance, to me, is the commitment of binding yourself to something, binding yourself to the country. My husband made an oath when he enlisted, and he vowed to protect this country from enemies, both foreign and domestic. But I have not made the vow, I have not promised to die for this country, and at this point in my life, as much as I love America, I do not believe that I have the ability to actually die for it. I envy that my husband does, but I'm not going to delude myself into thinking that I have his same level of courage. And that's why I do not feel comfortable making any sort of pledge of allegiance, even one that masquerades as a simple, patriotic poem.

4. I cannot stand Glenn Beck. I really can't. No matter how many times my military wife friends beg me to "just give him another chance" I simply cannot watch any more than 5 minutes of his show without bashing my head into something solid. I tried to watch his Rally to Restore...whatever the fuck it was he was trying to restore...with my husband during R&R. My husband got about 8 minutes into it before throwing his hands in the air and storming outside for a cigarette.

5. I do not support the war in Iraq OR the war in Afghanistan. As much I would like to believe that Afghanistan is justified, that we are defending out Nation from Al Qaeda terrorists and liberating an oppressed people, I just can't. I believe the FEELINGS behind the war are genuine, but it is not an attainable goal. That may sound pessimistic, but that country is over-run by religious extremists and poverty. The amount of time and money it's going to take to "fix" their problems is exponentially large. Over the past 9 years since the war began, I have grown more and more exasperated, confused, and disillusioned by the whole thing. As much as I wish it weren't true, as much as I wish I could stand here and say that my husband is fighting for something magnificent, I can't bring myself to believe it.

6. I hate the phrase "The troops are fighting for your freedom". I hate it because it's not true. Our rights and freedoms are guaranteed to us by the US Constitution, a document which, even if physically destroyed, still rules. True threats to our freedoms come from within the country. They come from politicians, legislation, uninformed voters, presidential orders, and activist judges. No foreign nation holds the power to actually threaten our Constitution because WE are the ones who maintain the power to change it via voting and Congressional ratification and define it via Supreme Court rulings. Defnding National Security IS a legitimate issue. It does not need to be shrouded in a mystical robe of "freedom" in order to be legitimate.

So what are my actual EXPERIENCES with those issues? I, for the most part, have flown completely under the radar on most of those. I avoided bringing up politics, "feigned" patriotism at military functions, and kept up with enough Glenn Beck via the web to not actually have to subject myself to his daily lobotomies. But it took my husand being deployed for me to realize that I was NOT myself. So I changed.

I went from a conservative-looking, average, blonde white chick to being borderline goth, with pink hair, lip piercings, arm bands, and corsets. To suggest that I "turned heads" at the commissary is really an understatment. It wasn't until my outward appearance changed that I found myself becoming more and more upset with the way I was having to hide myself. I didn't realize it until then, but I was subconsciously "acting normal", in real life, on my blog, and even to my own husband. I'm not trying to say that I'm not normal but Hell...I'm NOT normal. I derive pleasue out of piercing my body, I love to change my hair color, I like black things, lacy things, punk things, goth things. I swear like a whole platoon of sailors.

I have basically pulled a Sarah Palin and "gone rogue".

So I stand here today to introduce you to the NEW "Laura"...the left-leaning, libertarian, atheist, war-hating, flag non-pledging, goth bitch. I might be a military wife, but I'm nothing but normal.