Deployment and Infertility

I was reading an article today about the correlation between depression and infertility.

"....Jealousy is probably the most painful, and more so because it's not really a socially acceptable emotion....There's also guilt for depriving spouses and parents of a child, loneliness and often loss of faith. Obsession is also a factor. [There are] many women who say they can't stop thinking about it, that it haunts them even while they're sleeping."

While I appreciate that someone recognizes the correlation, I was dismayed to find that no one has written anything about fertility and deployment. It's one thing to be depressed but be actively trying to concieve. But what about those women who can't do anything about it because their husbands are gone? I have a 0% chance of conception right now.

According to Kaiser, 80% of deployed men fear their deployment will affect their fertility later on, such as exposure to chemical agents, injury, or even death. In 2003 80 soon-to-be deployed servicemembers took the step of actually freezing and preserving sperm/eggs in case something should happen.

So why doesn't the military do anything about this? Why don't they educate their counselors, chaplains, and doctors about the mental health aspect of this? I'm sure I'm not the only spouse whos pregnancy planning was rudely interrupted. Yet the advice I'm being told is "oh just wait until he gets back."

I'm at a loss here. I can take my basal body temperature every single morning. I can pee on as many OPK's as I want, walk the fine balance between BMI and ovulation, take my prenatal vitamins religiously, and track my fertility every day of the week. But it's not going to make a difference. Pregnancy still requires sperm, and hard as I try I'm not going to conjure it up anytime soon.

In fact, it's the "pregnancy planning" that serves to make me more depressed. Every time I pee on an OPK and see the 2 little lines show up signalling ovulation, I write it on my calendar so that I can have a record, but my heart still sinks knowing there goes another one of my finite eggs, wasted on a month without a husband.

Then factor in the crappy communication. When he was here before, whenever I would get in one of my "no baby" funks, my husband was always there to cheer me up, make a joke, and most importantly to "try again" with. That's not the case now. When I get in my little "funks" I have to email him about it, wait a week or 2 for a response, and then cross my fingers that he's actually going to know what to say.

And what if something happens? What if he dies? What if he is injured? What if he sees things that he can't deal with and comes home different? All of those things are going to delay (if not completely terminate) baby-making hopes. And that's what I deal with on a daily basis.

And for the record...if ONE MORE PERSON tells me "it will happen when it happens" or some other ridiculous piece of useless advice ("just relax", "if it was meant to be, it will be", "embrace your baby-making energy", etc), I'm going to throw my fertility book at them. Unless you have some burning bit of knowledge or miracle infertility cure, just save it. I'd rather you say nothing than spout out some feel-good quote from the back of a fortune cookie (whew! Got THAT off my chest).

I've never felt so crazy/insane/depressed/angry in my life.

I turn 21 on Tuesday. Officially the age DH said I should be when we had our first kid.