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TheRogueMilspouse

Monday, August 9, 2010

What crackpot came up with the "brilliant" idea behind R&R

Seriously...I want to know...

so that I can grind his face into the concrete and see how he likes it. Because that's what R&R is doing to me.

What genius thought that if you give a Marine an abnoral, extra-long, 12 month deployment, that 2 weeks in the middle will somehow make it all better.

Now, before you snap at me with something about how R&R "boosts troop morale", just hear me out.

With hubby's impending (and yes, I used the word IMPENDING) R&R, I've started to really contemplate the subject. R&R is like a fake reunion. Hell, you go through the STAGES of reunion and reintegration, just to have it end 2 weeks later. You go through the MOTIONS of preparing for a homecoming (getting dolled up, cleaning and redecorating the house, shopping for 2, baking cakes, making plans), but then you're just going to have to go through the goodbyes all over again.

But the one thing that R&R has done for me, is it has given DH "leverage" to use against me. If I fuck up I'm more likely to hear something like "You're going to hear about this when I get back for R&R" than I am to hear something like "well let's talk about it." If I piss him off, I'm more likely to hear "Well great, I don't even want to come home for R&R" than I am to hear him actually start a discussion.

In fact, yesterday he told me that if I want to talk to him anymore I'm going to just have to "wait for his R&R" (and not in a teasing, playful sense).

If it is THAT big of a deal that the Marines give him R&R 6 months into a 12 month deployment then why the hell don't they just give him a fucking NORMAL 7 MONTH DEPLOYMENT to begin with. Then all I have to do is wait 1 more month and he'd be home for good, not deal with this fucking drama R&R bullshit. And they wouldn't have to fly a hundred something Marines home and back.

And yes, I realize this post sounds very bitter, but that's because I AM bitter. So many people over the past few months have "pledged" their support to me like I'm a damn PBS special, only to bail out on me when I actually need it.

Last night, after talking to, fighting with, screaming at, being screamed at by, and crying over my husband and the fact that he is showing possible PTSD symptoms and told me he didn't want to come home, I got on my phone and texted a few of those "pledgers" asking for help. 24 hours later not a damn one of them has responded.

I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I can't exactly "respond" to what's going on over there if he doesn't tell me about it. Yet he still expects me to know everything he's been through and react accordingly. So then when I don't react like he wants me to and I instead do trivial things like go shopping and eat cheesecake, I get ACCUSED. Accused of cheating, accused of "going rogue", accused of forgetting him, accused of changing too much.

So I guess I'm going to spend the next however long it takes for him to get here for his R&R cowering in my apartment like a damn hermit.

8 comments:

Expat Girl said...

I understand the reasons behind R&R and I absolutely loved seeing my husband (obviously!) BUT it definitely made things harder as the second goodbye was definitely worse for me and it takes time to then settle back into the deployment again.

Carmen said...

I can understand your point of view. I've always viewed R&R as a tease for wives since they are only together for a couple of weeks and then they have to say goodbye and go through the adjustment process again. It is a pain in the ass but at least you get to see him for a little while in between. =)

[Briar] . Designs said...

Saying goodbye Once is hard enough. Obviously its hard for them too. I'm sorry you have to go through this crap.

Lindsey said...

I completely agree with the frustration of R&R. It almost makes it harder to deal with the deployment knowing that he will be gone, coming home, and then gone again so quickly. It's never enough time. If you need someone to talk to, or hang out with, let me know. I am right up the freeway from you in Murrieta. :) School doesn't start back up for me until the 23rd so I am home all day right now while Mr. T is at work. Don't hesitate to ask if you need anything.

Marie said...

I had a tough time with R&R too. It was a lot harder to say goodbye the second time because I knew already how much is was going to hurt. I hope everything works out for you and the R&R and that you find your support system again.

Neidy said...

This really stinks :( I'm so sorry..and especially because you have to handle it alone!! But this exactly shows the saying that "you don't know how strong you are until it is the only choice you have" is so true. You are a strong woman dealing with all this. And hopefully, everything will go better and instead of dealing with hard stuff when he comes home, maybe it'll change right when he see you :) (hoping can be good!)

TAW said...

First, take a deep breath. Second, take another. And listen: This is not your fault! Your soldier (sorry, this is harsh) is acting like a spoiled baby. Holding R&R over your head is emotional blackmail. Something is going on with him, but at this point, there is nothing you can do. If you contact his superiors you'll be labeled as a cry baby, and he'll be tagged with the "complaining wife" tag. You've got to handle this mess on your own. But you can do it.

You quietly, no shouting, no screaming, you quietly tell him that you are not his punching bag. That he needs to 1) seek out assistance for whatever is bugging him and 2)tell him that you are not a child who "fucks up" and needs to be punished, you are his wife. and 3)That if he cannot do 1&2 than he should expect to have a nice visit with the marriage counselor when he returns home.

These are his issues, not your issues. Do not play into this blackmail. You cannot control what he's doing. You can only control your reaction to it. You have grown as a person and that makes him afraid. Short of wrapping yourself up like a nun and never leaving your house, you can't fix it. Again, it's his issue, not your issue. Do NOT let this ruin you.

Sorry, for being so forth coming but I despise when guys do this to their wives. We sit at home for a year and we haven't one inkling of what's happening to them, but if they don't share and instead they take it out on us, it's not fair. I've seen the same thing, time and time and time again. Hang in there.

Erika said...

Just wanted to offer a ::hug::.