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TheRogueMilspouse

Monday, February 22, 2010

Let the parking wars BEGIN!

I feel like I'm living in that TV show "parking wars".

We own a black truck, and the guy who parks next to us also owns a black truck. Well today I went to the store. The guy in the next spot over was gone. When I got back from the store, he was home. How did I know he was home? Oh, because his car looked like it had been parked by a drunk 3 year old.

His left front tire was so far into my space that I couldn't even park. I had to granny park for like 10 minutes and ninja my way into the space...but then I was crowding the car on the other side. As I'm pulling in for the last time I look up and see the car owner standing on his balcony grilling something...and he's screaming over the railing.

At first I think he's apologizing for parking like a total wanker, but then I see he's actually waving BBQ tongs around and ranting something about "if you didn't park like a douche, then you wouldn't have to granny park!"

Scuse me? If I didn't park like a douche? How am I the one parking like an idiot when it's obvious that my truck was 5 miles away at the grocery store when you came home and plopped your front tire clear over into my space? Don't blame me because you can't maneuver your giant "Redneck" truck into a space that is EMPTY ON BOTH SIDES.

Seriously.

So being the calm and collected person that I am, I got out of the car, looked at him, and began to walk off. That's when he shouted down at me "Look! You're crowding my door! How the hell am I supposed to get out in the morning?" I don't know what planet that guy lives on if he thought I was crowding his door. I was so far to the other side of my space that I was on the verge of no longer being in my space. We're talking millimeters away from the space on my left. There was a good 2 feet of space between my tires and the line for his parking space. Any "crowding" of his door was due to the fact that he was about a foot into my parking space.

So hearing that, I poke my head around a tree and yell back at him "I'm not the one who's tire is in the other person's space. I should have your car towed!" Did I really intend on having his car towed? No. It was more just an empty threat meant to "inform" him that a) don't park like a moron and b) I can legally have your car towed.

"Go ahead and try!" was his response. Awesome...permission to tow a car. I don't know what he thought he was going to gain by actually telling me to "try" to tow his car. "Try" is not the right word..."do" would be the right word. Our lease explicitly states that we can have cars towed if they are over the line and in our space. He was so obviously in our space, I don't see how the towing company could get there and NOT tow the car. The phone number to the towing company is even posted in GIANT text in about 5 locations throughout the parking lot.

DH, being the calm and collected person he is, tried to sort it out. "What do you want me to do? If I move any farther over I'll be crowding this other guy. It's just 2 giant trucks parked next to each other, but yours was here first and you're crowding us out".

I don't really know what the other guy was saying except he seemed to have calmed down a bit and was no longer yelling. I started walking away until I heard him say "you need to control your old lady."

That was not insulting because he used the term "old lady" but was rather insulting because he implied that I was merely an object which needed "controlling". I am more than capable of handling my own situations. I did single-handedly pwn a real estate agent who tried to bait and switch me. After hearing that I didn't even say anything. I just pulled out my cellphone, flipped it open, and started walking away. At that point I really WAS going to call the tow company.

I stormed into our apartment absolutely shaking with anger. But before calling the tow company I decided to go back down to the car and calmly tell him to move his vehicle. What did I find when I got down there? Well he had already moved his vehicle...across the parking lot and into an empty spot that was EMPTY on one side.

I looked at his car parked in its own lone parking space and realized that he STILL parked it like an @sshole. His left front tire was still crooked and into the left-hand space.

Now fast forward 3 hours. I walked out to throw some trash away and just for the hell of it I detoured around to our parking space to see if he had moved his car back (or worse). What did I see? A poor slug bug granny parking into the spot next to him.

Sorry but....if you park so terribly that not even a VW beetle can squeeze in next to you, you deserve to pay the fee to get your car out of the impound lot.

So let this be a lesson to you parking space #33...my husband deploys in a week. I'll give you up until that day to get all that douche-baggy parking out of your system, but past that date if you screw up your parking job one more time you will be answering to my grouchy, in-the-midst-of-deployment, no-BS self. And I will not hesitate to call the tow company. And I'll do it with you screaming at me from your balcony too.

Oh and by the way...I took a few pictures of your crap parking job....thought I'd let you know ;)

1 comments:

Jesse and Marissa said...

That neighbor sounds like a complete ASS. You should go tow his car if he does that while your husband is deployed!