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TheRogueMilspouse

Saturday, April 10, 2010

This time, I refuse to fail

Like many wives, I have certain deployment "goals". Things I would like to achieve by the time my husband comes home. I tried this a few times while he was in training but it just didn't pan out the way I would have liked, but this time I'm optimistic.

My number 1, more important than anything, goal is: Lose Weight.

Now, some people in my life have looked at me strange when I said I wanted to lose weight. One person asked me, "why do you need to lose weight? It's not like you're obese." So for that person's information I weight 182 pounds. When I met my husband I weighed 130 pounds. Over the years I have gained almost 100 lbs. I managed to shed a few last year and dropped down to 182. My wedding dress was a size 18. It doesn't matter than I'm not obese. The 30-50 lbs I would like to lose represent a lot more than just "getting skinny". In fact, "getting skinny" isn't even the actual goal. Those 30-50 lbs are the difference between feeling good about myself and feeling insecure. It's the difference between enjoying being out and active and wanting to hide inside. It's the difference between being sexually confident and feel inadequate in my own marriage. If eating better, exercising every day, and working to improve myself is what it takes for me to see those results, "getting skinny" is completely irrelevant.

Not to mention, I have PCOS. The weight isn't even really the real issue, the issue is the other health problems...the infertility I've experienced for the last 2 years as a direct result of being overweight. MOST importantly those 50 lbs are the difference between watching my friends have children and actually having my OWN children. I know DH wants at least 1 biological child (as do I). He frequently talks about our "son" (Lord help him if we have a girl hahaha). He talks about all the things he wants to pass on, and about having that one thing that essentially symbolizes his feelings for me: another life. He already has plans, a timeline. He actually requested his R&R dates specifically to line up with my estimated ovulation (how a man managed to figure that out is beyond me lol). So I look at myself, all 182 lbs of myself, and I don't just feel like a blob. I feel like a failure.

That's what I wish I could tell the nay-sayers. I wish I could tell them I don't really give a damn if they think I "look fine". They're more than welcome to maintain their own health and let me maintain mine.

Oh and if you live in Southern California, come with me to this next Sunday. I'm super psyched:


5 comments:

navywife24 said...

Good luck Laura!! And don't let anyone get you down..if you focus on your goals and stay committed you can do anything!! :)

Miss Em said...

Wishing you the Best of Luck in this endevor. As you said it won't be easy but ANYthing worth doing may and usually isn't easy.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

and

NEVER GIVE UP!!!

tmasonpowell said...

Laura, You can do it and you will love how much energy you have as the lbs fall off. Btw...this is about the 5th time I've tried to leave a note and I think this time's a charm. Luv u :)

AmandaCervantes said...

You go girl! YOU know whats best for YOU and why. The naysayers usually have no idea. I hope this little goal helps you to reach one of your more ultimate life ones ((being a mama)) and I hope that its everything you ever wanted.

I think you can do it and you KNOW you can!

Kirsten said...

Good luck Laura! Have faith in yourself and in your ability, you can do anything you put your mind to.
Thank you for this post. This is a goal of mine that honestly I've been avoiding, but you motiviated me. I'm wishing you all the best :)

Also, thank you so much for your comment about your PCS trip! It was great to hear about it; what an experience!