WTF is happening. For a while last month it seemed like I couldn't go a single day without fighting with DH. And fighting over long distance just really sucks.
There was actually a time when he was so mad at me (for things I still haven't figured out) that he threatened not to come home on R&R.
Well we got over the fighting...so I though. Until today.
Things I learned today, talking to DH:
1. The reason he never calls anymore isn't because he doesn't have access to phones, but because he doesn't want to. Why? Because the last time he called I couldn't hear anything and it was static so I hung up. Yes, apparently I "hung up" on the bad connection, which in his eyes equates to me hanging up on HIM and so calling isn't worth his "time" anymore, since I'm just going to "hang up" on him.
2. When he said he wasn't mad at me anymore, he lied. Apparently he is still mad at me and has been stewing over it for the past month, faking positivity.
3. He's mad at me because I went to a Passion Party. Not an orgy, not a hooker bar, not a strip club...a girls-only PASSION EFFING PARTY.
4. He thinks I only talk to him because I "have" to, and says I've stopped thinking about him and is "put off"...but I don't even know WTF he's put off BY?
I try and try and try to be online when he's online, even if I'm exhausted and can't keep my eyes open. ONE time I fell asleep during chat bc I couldn't keep my eyes open and suddenly I'm "pushing him aside". I write him emails every day about pointless fucking shit that I don't even think is worth mentioning. "I ate spaghetti today and moved the coffee table 2 inches to the left". I send pictures, try to show interest in what is going on over there.
And what payoff do I get? A chat that ends with "I have to be alone now". What more am I supposed to DO?
I don't understand what he wants from me.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Oh, the DRAMA!
Posted by Laura at 12:59 AM
Labels: On Deployment
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7 comments:
Maybe he's deflecting, and there's something else going on with him that he can't talk about yet?
There was a point in this deployment where I felt like we were on different planets and I couldn't connect with him on a personal level. So I too a step back, took a break from trying to communicate, and let him make first contact, then I simply asked what was up. Turns out he was just really frustrated that he was there instead of here.
I am a semi new follower, and I agree with "The Rock's Girl".
I am in the same position, I get the feeling I am smothering my fiance, so I am taking a step back and letting him come to me.
Maybe something is going on with him that he is nervous about?
Keep your chin up, he will come around. :]
Sometimes deployments can be really stressful on them and they lash out or they are extra sensitive. Mr. M was like that too when he was gone and you just have to deal with it or maybe just talk to him about it calmly (maybe an email or motomail?)
He will go back to his normal lovey self once his work settles down. I hope and pray that things get better soon!
it's completely hard to maintain a marriage when it's all online. Just know that what you're experiencing is pretty normal - I don't have any answers, but it's normal.
I'm sorry you're going through that. It sounds rough. I don't have any advice or words of wisdom...just know that I'm in your corner and wishing you the best.
(((hugs))) Deployments are so hard on relationships. It's hard to communicate how you really feel - and exhaustion on one side of the phone can come across as so many different things on the other. Just want you to know that you are not alone in these feelings and frustrations. :) Keep strong - it'll be worth it in the end!
Some bases offer programs and groups to help you both adjust when he comes home - I'd HIGHLY recommend them.
(Sorry about the "Amanda Jo" comment and having to remove it. I didn't realize my sister was logged in on my computer.)
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