My Military Education

3 years ago I was graduating from High School. 3.5 GPA, a transcript padded full of AP and Honors classes, a scholarship from the school district, and offers to attend universities like Puget Sound and Colorado State.

I opted for the closest school to my house: University of Utah. I started school that fall completely gung-ho and confident in my dreams. I was going to double major in anthropology and English. I was going to travel abroad and live on ramen. I was on the fast track to graduation, with AP test scores replacing 12 credit hours of general eds and summer school soaking up a decent chunk of other core requirements.

But something happened.

I hated college. I hated the learning, I hated the students, I hated the teachers, I hated the campus shuttle that whipped around turns at lightening speed. I hated the meal plan. But most of all, I hated the pressure.

When was I going to declare a major? How many credits did I have? Did I read Dostoyevsky over the summer? What about Neitzche? What was my career plan? What was I going to do after graduation? Was I planning to study abroad?

I HAD to attend college. My parents, my teachers, my friends, my extended family...they told me college was normal. It was the next step in a life full of steps. I was just a pawn, progressing through a checkerboard of moves, controlled by someone else.

1. High School
2. College
3. Stable Career
4. Marriage
5. Children
6. Retirement
7. Death

So I dropped out.

Well, no, first I wasted another 2 semesters of college money on classes I never completed before transfering schools, and THEN I dropped out.

I got married without so much as 2 cents to my name. My husband enlisted in the military, I lived with his mother, then I moved around the country on the military's dime. I digressed from the norm.

All the people I graduated high school with will be finishing their 4 year degrees this school year. Some have already finished them. Many have studied abroad, had internships, joined sororities or fraternities. Hell, my 19 year old brother had more college credits after his first year of college than I did after 2 years and a summer.

 But I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry I put it off so long. I'm not sorry that I hated college. I'm not sorry that it took me so long to come back around, that I got married at the tender age of 19, and that I've spent most of that marriage alone.

The reason I'm not sorry is because it allowed me to prioritize my life. Graduating at the "normal" time, with a degree I'm only lukewarm towards is simply not (and will never be) a priority in my life. Despite what everyone wants me to do, I am NOT going to go back to school just to get "any degree" to pad a resume. Why would I waste money on something I'm just "settling" with?

This fall I am planning (but not promising) on returning to school. A community college this time. I'm working towards an AA in photography, and I can't believe it took me this long to realize it.

Photography.

That was my "side hobby" in high school. Actually, art in general was my side hobby (more of a passion, really). I took every art class imaginable, I did summer art classes. I had a photograph featured in a show in a gallery in downtown Salt Lake City. I volunteered at an art museum, owned a digital camera, printed and framed my own work. I drew all the time, doodled on my homework, and on any given day I would most likely be found in the art room, either leading an art club meeting or painting something.

Why did it take me this long to realize and pursue? I don't know.

Carpe Discount!

Hello all my military ladies!

I'm doing something different on today's blog post. I was out shopping last week when I stumbled upon a previously unknown "military discount" at one of my favorite stores. So I'm compiling a list of all the places I know of that offer military discounts. So please, SEIZE THE DISCOUNT!

1. Hot Topic
2. Khol's
3. Aeropostale
4. Bath and Body Works
5. Sally Beauty Supply (you can also join the Sally Club for free...regularly $5)
6. Foot Locker
7. New York & Co.
8. Pac Sun

9. Autozone
10. Lowe's
11. Home Depot
12. Checker Auto Parts
13. Big 10 Tires
14. Jiffy Lube
15. Kragen
16. Meineke
17. NAPA Auto Parts

18. Applebees
19. Denny's
20. Chipotle
21. IHOP
22. The Melting Pot (HOLY SHIT! Now I'm excited)
23. Sizzler
(many restaurants and hotels offer discounts, just get in the habit of asking)

This got me thinking how many times I've passed up discounts because I didn't know they offered one. So now, I ask EVERYONE. If I'm buying a shirt at an obscure store, I ask. What's the worst they can say? No? Then you're just back to square one.

Also, for those who don't know, Active Duty Serivcemembers get into Sea World and the San Diego Zoo for free, and wives get a small discount. Disneyland sometimes offers military promotions, or you can get cheaper tickets at the Camp Pendleton travel office (lattitude travel). Anheuser-Busch attractions also offer single-day free admission to AD military.

Check out Military Avenue for coupons and rewards in the area around your base. Military.com also has a list of running coupons, discounts, and sales.

So what's YOUR military savings secret?

Marine Corps Kind Of Life

What does it feel like to be married to a guy who comes home every night? Who is there on the weekends and rarely works late?

What does it feel like to be one of the those girls who cry over week-long business trips?

I was thinking about that today at my family's reunion. I was the only married girl there who's husband wasn't in attendance, and if that wasn't bad enough I had to deal with people's melancholic stares and sympathetic arm pats. Like I'm about to crumble into a million pieces and people need to "proceed delicately".

But when the reunion was over, I watched my cousins and their spouses climb into their family cars and drive home, and that's when I realized their husbands were going WITH them. It's almost as if I just assume that every couple lives apart for long periods of time. The idea of being with your spouse 24/7, every night, in the same bed, arriving and departing from functions as a COUPLE is just so foreign to me.

DH comes home for R&R next month and in a way I almost dread it. It's like a giant cosmic bitch-slap. My husband comes home just to leave again. It's a mini-reintegration, followed by a RE-farewell. I can just imagine what Borat would say: "Your husband is coming home....NOT!"

Factor in the recent fighting and stress levels through the roof, I'm actually scared of what's going to happen.

Oh, the DRAMA!

WTF is happening. For a while last month it seemed like I couldn't go a single day without fighting with DH. And fighting over long distance just really sucks.

There was actually a time when he was so mad at me (for things I still haven't figured out) that he threatened not to come home on R&R.

Well we got over the fighting...so I though. Until today.

Things I learned today, talking to DH:

1. The reason he never calls anymore isn't because he doesn't have access to phones, but because he doesn't want to. Why? Because the last time he called I couldn't hear anything and it was static so I hung up. Yes, apparently I "hung up" on the bad connection, which in his eyes equates to me hanging up on HIM and so calling isn't worth his "time" anymore, since I'm just going to "hang up" on him.

2. When he said he wasn't mad at me anymore, he lied. Apparently he is still mad at me and has been stewing over it for the past month, faking positivity.

3. He's mad at me because I went to a Passion Party. Not an orgy, not a hooker bar, not a strip club...a girls-only PASSION EFFING PARTY.

4. He thinks I only talk to him because I "have" to, and says I've stopped thinking about him and is "put off"...but I don't even know WTF he's put off BY?

I try and try and try to be online when he's online, even if I'm exhausted and can't keep my eyes open. ONE time I fell asleep during chat bc I couldn't keep my eyes open and suddenly I'm "pushing him aside". I write him emails every day about pointless fucking shit that I don't even think is worth mentioning. "I ate spaghetti today and moved the coffee table 2 inches to the left". I send pictures, try to show interest in what is going on over there.

And what payoff do I get? A chat that ends with "I have to be alone now". What more am I supposed to DO?

I don't understand what he wants from me.

Road Trippin'

Today I went on a little road trip. I drove from San Diego, CA to Salt Lake City, UT to visit family.

It was the first time I've ever visted SLC without my husband and it feels really weird. When he was in boot camp and combat training I was living at his mom's house, sleeping on the sleeper-sofa in the living room, and for some reason being back here again, by myself, makes me feel EXACTLY like I did a year ago.

All my progress and individuality and coping skills have miraculously vanished and I am back once again to crying myself to sleep. What is it about staying at this house that makes me miss him more? Is it because he grew up here? Because I used to live here with him? Because I associate me staying at her house with our first separation for boot camp?

I don't like it. I would go somewhere else, but I have a cat with me. My parents are anti-pet and a hotel is just too much hassle. But everything just feels...strange.

Military Love Letter

It seems our communication between myself and DH has been running dry recently. And I don't mean communication METHOD, I mean literal spouse communication. So I'm trying to revive it by using myself as a muse.

This was a letter I wrote to him on May 21. I wish I could back to that mindset and come up with something like that again, but everytime I try I end up with serious writers block. Who gets writers block writing to their own husband?

Lance corporal DH... I fucking love you! You seemed kinda sad today and I just wanted to email you and let you know how much I love and adore you to death! I want to buy a house with you and be married to you and have babies with you and grow old with you! Because I love you!


Each night when I got to bed, I lie down and I think about you and how much I love you and why I love you and how happy I am to be married to you. I know you are having a hard time over there right now and I wish there was something more I could do for you because care packages don't seem like enough but it's hard to do things from so far away.

I wish I could hold you and hug you and love you and kiss you and tell you how much you mean to me and how proud I am of you and how grateful I am to be married to such an amazing person.


That's what you are. You are an amazing and intelligent person and you are my whole world. I would do anything for you sweetie. I love you so much!!!


So go about the rest of your day and try to be happy. Think about the woman you have at home who is patiently waiting for you to get back and who loves you unconditionally. I love you so much!!!!

-Laura  

Deployment Changes

I was thinking today about all the changes that have happened as a result of this deployment and I realized...as crappy as it's been, I am SO GRATEFUL to go through this.

When my husband left he left behind a shy, scared little girl with little to no motivation to do much of anything. He left behind a girl who had a hard time making (and keeping) friends. I thought so little of myself at that time that I didn't even bother leaving the house in almost 2 months. I was jobless, anti-social, and reclusive.

Here's a picture of "old me":

I'm smiling in that picture, and yes, I was happy when it was taken. But it is not me. It is not who I REALLY am. I'm not expressing myself, my style, my personality.

But the girl he's coming home to is so much better. One thing that not having my husband around has done for me is forced me to grow as an individual. I've made friends (ACTUAL friends, no "cyber" friends). I got, and held, a job. I made my own money and it felt so good. I re-structured my way of thinking so that I'm a better person, with goals, who strives to understand people.

Here's a picture of "new me":

You Know Your Husband is Deployed When...

1. You cook something one night and the leftovers are still there in the morning

2. You know how to fill out a "customs form"

3. You only shave your legs when you think someone might see them

4. You get excited about "unknown" phone numbers calling you

5. You've exhausted every idea you could ever have about what to put in a box.

6. Your fridge resembles a liquor store and you suddenly find yourself accumulating wine by the case load

7. You walk outside to get the mail and immediatly run back in to get your cellphone

8. Your idea of "cooking" is microwaving a lean cuisine

9. You enjoy weekdays more than weekends because you don't like watching other families

10. You lose all concept of time and/or day of the week, all you know is "x-ish" number of days until he's home

11. You go to the bathroom, in the middle of the night, with the lights out, and the toilet seat is still down.

12. You feel like you're "married" to one or more of your friends

13. You see a couple kissing in the supermarket and immediatly run to the tools section to find a sledgehammer...

14. You find yourself standing eerily close to strange men on the street just because they're wearing cologne..and you haven't smelled cologne in a looong time.

15. You put a bag of trash on the porch and it's still there 3 weeks later

16. You know when the best time to go to the post office is

17. Your two major purchases each week are kleenexes and wine

18. You check your email every 15 minutes

19. You know what a "freedom 'stash" is...and secretly hate them.

20. You make friends with a bunch of strangers on the internet just because you're all going through the same thing ;)

Ode to a Neglected Blog

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry I have been ignoring you so much the past few weeks. I know there is not excuse for my actions, but for the sake of defending myself I'm going to make a few anyways.

I find myself ever so busy with work these days, and cleaning, and drinking alcohol. I just haven't had the TIME to pay enough attention to you.

It's not you, it's me.

I'm sorry. But I still love you.

From now on, I'm going to be a better blogger. I'm going to blog you so much you'll be begging me to stop. And then I'll blog some more.

And I want everyone to see us blogging! NO SHAME! The love we share is deep and intimate and I want everyone to know about it.

So, blog, will you take me back? Please? I promise I'll be a good blogger and will try and appreciate you more.

Much Love,

~Laura

P.S. I missed you.

The Men in My Life

As the deployment creeps along I find myself needing male company. So, I've enlisted the help of some "surrogate" husbands:

1. Jose Cuervo
2. Johnnie Walker
3. Jack Daniels
4. Captain Morgan
5. Jim Beam
6. Pyotr Smirnov

Those are the heavy hitters, the guys I turn to when I really need a strong shoulder to cry on.

7. Sam Adams
8. George Killian

Those are the quiet ones, the men who get me to a nice buzz while maintaining their emotional distance.

9. Dom Perignon

He's my Sugar Daddy. I only see him every once in a while, but he charms me with his money and suave-ness.

Yup, I have a whole cupboard full of men, ready to satisfy my every need.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a dinner date with Jose (and if I really feel like getting a pounding, I'll do dessert with Mr. Courvoisier) ;)

Week From Hell

Only way to describe it.

I've been fighting with DH for the past few days over TRIVIAL TRIVIAL things. It got so bad he threatened to stay in Afghanistan for his R&R, said he didn't want to come home if he was going to come home to this.

I haven't heard from him since.

And today is a day when I really need my husband. I spent the entire morning waiting at JAG, just to find out they don't have room to see me today and I need to come back at 6 AM on Tuesday. Then I spent the rest of the afternoon waiting at the police station to talk to an officer about the car sales fraud. They pretty much laughed at me (in their heads...but I could still tell...)

What is this girl doing in the police station rambling about car titles and smogs? None of this is criminal. Now that I think about it, I don't even know why I went to the police. I knew they were going to tell me the exact same thing everyone else has told me: small claims court. I just needed to hear it again. And come tomorrow, I'm going to need to hear it AGAIN.

And the next day. And the next day.

I'm all wrapped up in this small claims court drama, the fighting, the suing, the fighting, the suing...I could really use the support of my husband right now. I just need someone to tell me I'm not an idiot, to support my decisions. I'm not a confrontational person and all this confrontation and official letters and lawsuits and legal advice is completely against my nature and I can't handle it.

I've considered quitting my job just because I can't handle the pressure of work, PLUS my own personal life, PLUS the legal bullshit over this car. I can't handle it.

That's why I'm practically drowning in a bottle of white zinfandel right now. It's a miracle I'm even able to type coherently.

But damn...I didn't know White Zin. was so freaking good!